Daddy Advice

It’s been a while since my last post but I have had a lot of changes in my life so I wanted to finally give you guys the update. Since my last post I have decided to be a full time dad instead of working. We had to discuss all the costs vs me working. So, now I’m going to raise my two children for a while.

At first, I thought I would be updating posts 2-4 times a day. What I didn’t realize was that two small children are a job and a half so I have been behind.

I received a letter from one of my members asking for some advice so I ask when you read her letter please leave a comment.

Ok guys, here is the deal. The baby is on the way. You are going to the doctors appointments. But besides the baby shower that is going to be for the baby’s mother what else can you do. The Registry! This is a chance for you to add some things for your child. Bottles, toys, furniture, diaper bags, clothing, books etc. any of things can be added to a registry.  If you have questions on what should be added to the list let me know. But keep in mind babies also grow and change very quickly so make sure there is a variety of stuff. Let me know!!

Hey guys I’m back. I’m sorry I haven’t posted in a few days. I have become a stay at home dad and the kids are more than a full time job. Anyway, I was reading this article and made me wonder if you guys realize the extreme attraction to a responsible man doing his duty to his children.  Check it out.

When I think ‘single dads’, my mind conjures up an undeniably sexy image of a good-looking man with a baby snuggling in his neck, wearing a

Single dads (Getty Images)

low-waist Levis and nothing else. He is gentle, caring and the baby is gurgling with joy in his arms! All you single girls, who are out searching, watch out for the best on the shelf – the sexy single ‘da-da’.

You have been a committed single dad to your child for a number of years now. All your focus, so far, has been on doing whatever it takes to put a great roof over your heads and make each and every day as happy as possible.

You gave and gave, and then gave some more. But what about you? Who’s giving some (adult) loving back to you? In other words, how’s your love life? You blink and wonder what am I talking about. Oh c’mon, am sure you have eyed many pretty damsels on your way down to the grocery store. And of course they give you the look, too, when you pulled out a bag of Pampers for your mite. And you have wished, however furtively, for a mate who will share your life, your bed and your baby. After all, a child deserves the love and attention of two parents, right?

With that being said, here are the steps you need to take in order to get some well-deserved attention from the opposite sex.

Strategise
Introspect about your life lessons in the realm of love and romance. Even before you relaunch your love life, why not take the time to imagine the kind of relationship you want and need? Do you really need a full-time lover or can you settle for less? But do think long-term, as everyone is getting older and so are you!

You must remember, to be back in the market looking for love requires a well-planned strategy. Even if there isn’t a woman on your horizon, don’t sit back and wait for her arrival. You have to believe that a dinner date or a fulfilling relationship is somewhere in the universe and on its way to you. Being prepared offers you the best chance of success when love hits you right between the eyes.

What type of woman do you want?
You are not just any guy! You’re a special guy and a great single dad. And a special guy needs to meet a special woman who understands him and agrees with him on most issues. Being a single dad can be challenging and complex and so, you need someone who gets where you are coming from. This ‘special woman’ may be a single mom, but there are also many single women out there who are empathetic enough to love you and your kids. For example, some women so adore their nieces or nephews that they can easily connect with a single dad.

Be open with your kids
To win your child’s love and confidence, you need to have a highly open and transparent relationship with them. After sufficient time has passed and they have completely adjusted to your parting of ways with their mother, it is fine if you let them know that you will be meeting a “new friend” that you can have fun with. Children know the importance of love and affection, and believe it or not, they will always be happy to see their daddy happy. Once you have their unspoken blessing, you will feel so much better about starting to date.

Wear your single-dad status lightly
Be at ease and proud of being a single-dad. Don’t hedge and haw about your status to a woman, and worse still, never lie. You wouldn’t want your kids to think that you are ashamed of them, would you? Tell your potential mate straight that you’re a single dad and how important children are in your life. Then go on about some of the activities you like to do with them. If she is ready to even think about sharing the future with you, she will stay, if she is the right one for you.

It’s every woman’s dream come true to have her kids and home looked after by a man who loves them. By telling her that you are that man, more than half the battle is already won. If she is jittery about being second on your priority list, convince her by deed or words that she is not and watch her eyes lit up your life.

Gym right
I know all those cold clanky machines really put you off. But there is no choice left. Exercise will make you feel great, and the ‘high’ will allow you to cope with the single-parent stress. And of course, the gym is a great place to meet single women who are likely there for the exact same reason you are: relaunching their own love lives.

Start eating well
Toss junk food into that garbage can. Oily food, aerated and alcoholic drinks are best ignored. This is the time for you to get into shape. No woman would like to make love to a fat slob and love it too. So be kind to yourself and the new entrant in your life and drink lots of water to get rids of toxins and raise those sperm counts!

Clean up act
When was the last time you went to a men’s parlour? Ah, yes the haircut that happened two months ago! But when you are looking for a dashing young woman, you need to have more than a decent haircut! Look at your hands, toe nails, sideburns, nose hair and you know you haven’t looked at yourself in the mirror properly for a long time. Now that you have, deck yourself up in the prettiest feathers, after all, you aren’t looking for a gray sparrow, are you now?

One vitamin a day
Sex? Who’s had the will or the inclination to think about it? Naturally, your libido has been at an all-time low. Begin by having a vitamin a day to boost your sex drive. Head to a reputable health store, and ask the salesman for products specifically to up a man’s sex life. You may raise a few eyebrows but that’s okay.

New underwear
It is almost mandatory for you to look beneath your trousers. A woman can walk into your life at any moment. Passion can strike as suddenly as a thunderbolt in the middle of the sky and underwear with holes is not something you need. Spruce yourself up in every way possible now!

Believing is the first step, and if it takes a few supplements and new underwear to get you closer to the woman of your dreams, so be it.

Below is some information I came across that gives a general outline of what rights a Dad has. Please read and of course leave any comments or concerns. Also, I am NOT providing legal advice but just trying to put out some information for you to learn and build upon.

FATHERS BILL OF RIGHTS

For the Family Formulation and Stabilization Act we recognize that Families are a fundamental building block of a nation, and further recognize that Government enact laws having a direct impact on our Families. Therefore, Congress should enact the Fathers Bill of Rights to Stabilize our Families.

1. The word “Father” to be made part of the preferred definition in the word “family” as used in federal government funded programs. If you should read any federal definition of “family”, you will noticed that “Fathers” are not included in the definition. The problem of leaving out “Fathers” in the definition of “family,” gives government workers the option to exclude and DISCRIMINATE AGAINST “DADS” by denying “Equal Treatment under the Law”, while “Fathers” are denied billions of dollars in federally funded “family” programs.
2. A uniform “Paternity Law” like the text on the Paternity & Father Child Custody Options page where DNA information is included as part of the birth certificate and; (a) Courts would be disallowed to ORDER a DEFAULT for “PATERNITY” against a boy who is a minor without the presents of an adult or an attorney representing him; (b) The Child Support Enforcement Department will NOT accept an AFFIDAVIT for PATERNITY from a boy who is a minor, without the presents of an adult or an attorney representing him; (c) That divorces which included child custody and child support would have to include a showing that the Father had an opportunity to verify paternity with DNA evidence.Not having these rights allows the courts to DISCRIMINATE AGAINST DADS by misusing simple phrases and correct logic such as “presumed Father” of the children because he is married to the mother, and not following court rules of evidence for DNA proof.
3. Obligor/Fathers who are court ORDERED to pay child support should have those court ORDERS automatically suspended (by State Statute) when the obligor/father is in jail or prison or in the hospital or becomes unemployed for more then 60 days. In the case of unemployment for more than 60 day, the obligor/father will become part of a special “AFFIRMATIVE ACTION” employment seeking group for employers to use as hiring resources.
4. Obligor/Fathers who are Court Ordered to pay Child Support should be EXEMPT from the Child Support Order, or have the Child Support Order suspended when (a) child for support is being paid runs away from home; (b) obligor/fathers income is at or below the “Federal Poverty Level”.
5. To prevent Waste, Fraud and Abuse within the Child Support Enforcement System (a) it will be a Felony for an obligee, or member of the Child Support Enforcement Staff to leave the name of an obligor who is dead, on the rolls support enforcement for collection purposes; (b) All administrative support cases must be reviewed by a Judge at a Court Hearings Process with Court notification to the proposed obligor; (c) All Domestic Relations Courts will publish, on or near the Court room door it’s 2 year record of child custody awards of mothers vs fathers in an attempt to show fairness between the genders.
6. Child Support should be considered a “Tax” under all State and Federal Tax Codes, because it is created by the State and levied against obligor/fathers according to his income and the numbers of children that he has. Furthermore, the moneys obtained by this system are directly used to fund welfare programs which exclude Fathers through no funding of Fathers Programs and DISCRIMINATION AGAINST DADS . See Tax Tip for unmarried Fathers.
7. Obligor/Fathers who are required to pay Child Support for an adult child, (over age 18 and attending school) should have a Federal Income Tax credit for the Child Support money being paid and a benefit requiring the adult child to contribute .1% of his or her income, after graduation, to obligor/father’s Individual Retirement Account, (IRA) .
8. The Child Support Enforcement Department and/or the Judicial system shall have ten, (10) years STATUTE of LIMITATIONS to initiate and/or collect child support. Additionally, Social Security checks should be protected by law from Child Support garnishment.
9. The Child Support Enforcement Office(s) are to be annually audited and Fathers Day will be a yearly opportunity for the Child Support Enforcement Office(s) to return checks to obligors for child support payroll deductions which were made but not delivered for the purpose intended, perhaps because the obligee moved without a forwarding address.
10. The State Office of Child Support Enforcement shall provide one semester of high school class for boys to inform and educate them as to the purpose and function of the Child Support Enforcement. The boys should learn this at about the tenth grade level so they can see their parent’s tax dollars at work.

For you Daddies out there obviously you can get to this point but you may have some questions on if it’s ok to continue to have sex. Here is an article I came across that may put your mind at ease.

“It is usually safe to have sex during pregnancy. The only exception is if your doctor has advised against it. However, it is quite normal for your spouse to undergo wide variations in her sex drive during her pregnancy. While there are no hard and fast rules, your spouse’s willingness to have sex may be influenced by the stage of pregnancy she is in.

First trimester: Pregnant women, especially in the first trimester, experience morning sickness with symptoms such as exhaustion, weakness, and nausea. This phase is also marked by increased sensitivity in the breasts and the frequent need to urinate. Unpleasant symptoms such as these may be responsible for the lowered desire for sex in the early weeks of pregnancy.

Second trimester: Many women begin to enjoy sex during the second trimester, once morning sickness symptoms start to wane. Generally, pregnant women experience an increase in the amount of blood flowing to the clitoris. Pregnant women also experience an increased level of vaginal lubrication. Due to these reasons, some women find sex especially rewarding during pregnancy.

Third trimester: At this stage in your spouse’s pregnancy, her growing belly may lead to increased pressure on the abdomen. This may also restrict her mobility. Thus many women experience a lowering in their willingness to have sex during the advanced months of pregnancy.

This is a helpful article I came across that will help in those first day of school jitters. Leave me a comment on anything you think that is helpful.

Here are the things I learned that might help you on the first day of school:

1. Fear of separation is normal for kids and most common times are around eight months, twelve months and anywhere between 18 months and three years, generally peaking around 12-24 months. Kids cry either because they are afraid you are leaving and will not return, or when they see you come back, because it reminds them of how they felt when you left.
2. Fear of separation can change from day to day and from parent to parent. Don’t feel bad if you’re not the desired parent on a particular day
3. Adults feel sadness and anxiety as well when separated from loved ones, but we have a better notion of time and can handle it better. This may help you understand your child’s fears.
4. Many factors can worsen separation fears, including tiredness, illness, changes in household routine, or changes in caregiver at the school or daycare center.
5. The first experiences with separation are important because they are foundations for building confidence for future separations.

Now some tips for those first days of school or daycare:

1. Ideally, start occasionally using a babysitter after six months of age for short periods to build trust in adults. Playdates by 12 months, and eventually pre-school or daycare by age 3 or 4 can be helpful to prepare for the bigger challenges of kindergarten.
2. Be supportive of your child’s feelings even if he cries and “acts like a baby.” Do not scold or make fun of him. Let the child know that you understand how scary it is to be separated from daddy without dwelling on the negative.
3. When leaving, give a quick kiss, a goodbye, and promise that someone will be back to pick her up. Don’t sneak out of the room.
4. Bring along things from home to remind the child of security. Recommended objects would be a stuffed animal that always goes to school and a photo of the family. Suggest to your child that he or she tell the teachers about the importance of these objects.
5. Avoid communicating your fears and worries about your child. Always talk about school as a positive upbeat experience. Talk to teachers and learn the highlights of the day, and the names of the other kids so you can remind your child about the fun times he will have again.
6. Continue morning and evening rituals. Avoid scary TV shows or talk that increases your child’s fears.
7. Avoid the temptation to give in and skip school or cancel all together. If your child does stay home, do not make it an extra fun day.

Good luck. This is a hard step for your child and for you, but it’s a necessary part of teaching them to leave the nest.

Sources:
Northern County Psychiatric Associates

Hey Dads,

I know the holiday season is coming up fast.  I am going to try and have a giveaway of a Diaper Dude Diaper bag. This useful and eco friendly bag will be given to a new dad. Send me an email explaining why the Diaper Dude should be given to you. You can submit your emails to info@tomorrowzfuture.com

When picking out a crib for you new baby, you want to keep in mind a few details. Do you just want something that will grow with your baby? I chose a crib that was very practical. It is made of cherry and will transition from the crib to a day bed to a full size bed.  The one drawback though is that the sides don’t drop for easy access. But, you can also elevate the level of the mattress so as your baby gets older and larger you don’t have to worry as much about climbing out. This is generally a good investment. The prices on a crib can be anywhere from $80 on up. Send me a comment about what type of cribs you chose for your baby. If you have pictures even better! Here is a picture of mine! If you really like it http://www.cribs.com/cribs/convertible-cribs/parker4in1crib.cfm follow the link and you can get one for yourself.

This is going to be a pretty short post today. I only have a few minutes between sleeping babies and laundry. Here are some very practical ideas when it comes to getting your new baby to sleep. First go through your “Happy Baby” Checklist. Is he hungry? Is he wet/soiled? Is he overly warm? Check for a fever. Is he irritated by a noise or something rubbing the skin? If all these check out then more than likely he may just want to be held. You would be surprised how simple holding your child can quickly call in the sand man. In order to make sure you keep a baby happy, more often than not, keep him on a schedule. Children need to be kept on a schedule from the feeding to the naps to tubby time. Although there are many reasons for why mothers choose to breast feed over bottle feeding, one of the advantages to bottle fed babies is they require fewer feedings and are easier to keep on a schedule. Since it is more difficult to gauge the amount of breast milk eaten by your baby breast babies must eat more often. This is Daddy Advice for today.

Ever wonder what a onesie is or a romper or a sleeper? Yea, most new dads have never heard of these terms much less knowing the difference between them.

Onesies- are what you put on your baby underneath an outfit. It keeps their skin from rubbing on a more coarse fabric. Also it is like underwear, would you wear a dress shirt with out your undershirt? Neither should your baby.

Rompers- a one piece outfit that is generally lightweight material and can be a combination short/long sleeved and shorts/pants. A good example is something WITHOUT feet. Normally this is worn as part of an outfit.

Sleepers- obviously this outfit is for sleeping but what does it look like? It can most often be found with footsies and a combination of either hand covers or without. Now the hand covers are very important because new babies have very sharp and paper thin nails. Since they can’t control their limbs as of yet, the covers protect their face from minor to moderate scratches. On a side note you may not be able to cut their nails right away until the nail hardens enough to be cut. You may have to nibble the nails down until then. Gross but necessary.

Keep checking in I’m putting together a Daddy Glossary and if you have any suggestions let me know!